Ranting

We all have those pieces of equipment at the gym that we have a secret love affair with. If I am not on a spin class, then my equipment of choice is the Arc Trainer.

I love this machine. And usually I don't have a problem getting to use one since the gym has recently acquired other equipment that has TVs on it, so these are not as popular.....except to chatty pairs of girls apparently. Now normally when both machines are in use I stay in the cardio room and play on other machines while I wait for the interlopers to get off my machines. Now, I realize that they are not my machines, but I am somewhat territorial about them.

Now, if you are a hardworking individual, more power to you! If you are a pair of girls that talks the whole way through your workout you are not working hard enough and should stop wasting mine and the arc trainers time. Also, if you find that for 30 out of 40 minutes of your workout you are holding yourself up off of the pedals on the bars of the arc trainer, you are again, wasting time. I just wanted to tell them that if they would do 20 minutes without holding themselves up on the bars, they would do so much more for themselves then wasting an hour on the machine.

But this is me being grumpy. I should look on the positive side and say how much more well rounded and longer my workout was due to the fact that I had to circle the gym like a vulture waiting for prey as these girls hogged my machine. That is how I am going to look at it from now on. And also be sure to get to the gym earlier so I don't have this problem again. :)

Hide and Seek

I am a huge Walgreens fan. There is always one nearby and they always have what I need.....except for once a month when I searching for a very specific kind of pain reliever. Then, that one time a month, I find that the sadistic men who designed the store are obviously embarassed by my pain reliever of choice and have choosen to hide it among the other 8,000 types of pain relievers in hopes that it will not be seen easily. What they don't realize is that even more embarrassing than seeing a bottle of Midol is seeing an adult woman fling herself to the ground in a full out screaming temper tantrum due to the frustration of not finding what I need....and need RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

Now, if I designed the store, I would not only have it all in a special section, but also with a giant neon sign over it. And maybe have an attendant there with a free sample of said drug so that way I don't have to wait until I get to the car to take it. And a piece of chocolate. Talk about marketing genius!!!! I think I am on to something here.

P.S. I did not really throw myself to the ground. There might have been some foot stomping though.
Also, training going fine. I love this weather for biking and have convinced all of my friends that they need bikes so they can go play with me! YAY!

Wristing Away

Nothing new and exciting to report here. My workouts have been fairly uninspired, but still there. My horse hobby has been taking up more of my time lately but I know that my workouts and training are helping my riding for sure after the horse show this weekend. A lot of horseback riding comes from core muscles and I can tell I have them now! Ok, a beginning of them! Either way, my workouts are benefiting me in other ways and I know my horse appreciates it!

My wrists have been super sore from bike riding and I am trying to figure out if I am bracing on the bike or just not in the right position? I am going to try to hit up the bike shop this weekend for a tune up and maybe see about getting my bike fitted to me better. I have never had that done professionally and I am thinking that could make a huge difference. Any other advice is welcome though! I don't have aero bars yet, but I am considering them if I do go through the triathlon thing. At just bike races they seem to frown upon them a lot so I guess that is why I hesitant to make the investment until I am sure that this is going to be something I am going to do! Of course, if it takes the pressure off of my wrists, it will be worth it!

A Week at the Gym

Obviously, my workouts have been a little trying lately and motivation is at an all time low, but instead of whinning about it, I am going to instead post funnies about it! This is exactly how I felt about working out with a trainer when I first started.

A WEEK AT THE GYM

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 33 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY: I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

Health Questions and Answers

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heartwill not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay andcorn. And what are these? Vegetables . So a steak is nothing more than anefficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system . Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, thatmeans they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of thegoodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! OK I do notdrink any way

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. Infact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! !

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !

Spin and Grin

You know what my favorite part of my crazy schemes (aka triathlon training) is? When you tell someone that you want to do a triathlon and as your cringing, just waiting for them to tell you how nuts you are.....and they think your crazy plan is a good one! I am in desperate need of a friend to work out with and I may have found one. I don't think she is going to be in a big rush to do one because she does not have a bike yet, but it will still be fun to have someone to talk to and hopefully workout with. And share mistakes with. That will be my favorite thing of all.

After my workout yesterday, I was on top of the world. I adore spin classes for several reasons:

1) The music. I grin like an idiot the whole time that music is pumping.
2) People. I have spent a large portion of my life trying to avoid people, groups, etc.....but I have found when it comes to working out, I need that interaction and that drive. If someone next to me is spinning faster than I am....that is a challenge!
3) No fear of being run over by a car. Time on my bike is so important and I realize that, but I love the safety of the spin room. There are no cars coming up behind me and honking (seriously, why? I am starting to think the people that do that are like the people who yell at cows in the pasture. Both me and cows want to be left alone.) My town is not very bike friendly yet, but hopefully as gas prices continue to rise, there will be more people on bikes and drivers will have to be aware of us!
4. Accomplishment. I remember a few years ago when I could barely get through a class and now I try to always work one level up from what the instructor is doing to get more of a challenge out of it. And I still grin. :)

Now, the goal is going to be get that same accomplishment and grin factor from running. Sigh. That one may take a little longer.